"Friends vs Family?
case: Mariela and Jose had several years of marriage and two children. She was a modern professional, fair, open and nothing very jealous, so he enjoyed wide freedom within the relationship. Many were friends of Joseph also married but with serious marital problems. Began to involve women in their outputs and to pressure Joseph until he made a slip. What he thought would be something minor almost degenerated into a divorce when the sometime lover was in a "cuaima" which was presented to his wife.
Description: The interference of friends is a most common sources of problems in the family. Often-especially if many in the group are single-organize meetings and nights out after work or during weekends, are displayed in the couple's home, hold endless conversations (especially them), among other actions that may affect the privacy of those who lead a life in common.
different realities exist in pairs. It may happen that he or she will feel displaced and abandoned or, conversely, that demand more freedom and personal space, you have jealousy of old friendships and to any doubt or suspicion about what makes the dome when it comes out alone with her group. "The cost of handling situations with friends is more in them than in them, as for man is a vital need to share with your friends, regardless of age and stage of life where they are, "says psychologist and specialist couple, Aleida Heinz.
couple and friends need not be mutually exclusive, but "there from the beginning to put the cards on the table with clear rules, without hiding truths and take into account the other, not to ask permission but to participate, "says the therapist.
Recommendations: There are some tips to keep the buddies come to be seen as intruders destabilizing the relationship:
- Set agreements permitting each according to their needs, having a time with friends and time with your partner.
- Give time and space to your sweetheart. Balance is key to living in peace.
- are vital ongoing dialogue, sincerity, mutual trust and respect the freedoms of another, without excess.
- Meet agreed with the departures and arrivals on time.
- Find your own space. Do not abandon your friends, but talk to them and let them understand the new situation.
- Never try to separate his family from friends or place to choose. Stuck between a rock and a hard place only obliges to be wrong with a party.
- A strategy can be integrated into the group of his consort, although this need not necessarily be the case.
- Do not criticize and make claims against friends. -------------------------------------
policy conflicts with kindred
The Case: Antoinette and George were a young couple in love, supported and happy. While waiting for their apartment, they decided to marry and live a while in his house, which had only one quarter. Jorge's mother was quite engrossing and sister too close to him. In that home there was no privacy, lived with the doors of the rooms and bathrooms are open, the mother entered the room freely of the couple, they had no space in the pantry and Jorge sister called at midnight to find that out. Conflicts soon appeared, Antoinette was upset and lost interest in sex.
Description: The topic of family policy is another common causal aches and discussions within the couple, especially if you are married. In general, the more it stabilizes a relationship, closer links with relatives on the other. Meals, meetings, celebrations and even living under the same roof as part of the circumstances where you have to interact and share with people who may have ways of being, habits, tastes, lifestyles and interests other than their own. These differences can cause friction and disagreement when the situation is not handled properly.
Heinz For the therapist, the key is summarized in the old saying live and let live. "It's a myth that when one house is also home to the family of the other. The cost to be paid is the acceptance of the political family as it is, without wanting to change, but always placing clear limits on the private life of the partner. Each pair forms its own system, different and outside the family system with its own rules, norms and traditions. They can take what they like about the family of origin of each and discard what you do not like it, "she added.
When you start a life together and formed a family of their own is essential to break the bonds of dependency with parents. Sometimes these are fearful for their children to step back and rely on handling complaints and to make them the behavior they expect. Other times involved without regard to family affairs, especially in the case of mothers -protective when they become mothers-in.
"Parents are not going to change, so it is in the hands of the children clearly set limits when necessary. A mature adult should be the ability to set such limits, if you can not do, but is able to wean, then it is because he is not ready to live with a partner, "warns Heinz.
Recommendations:
- Respect their customs and way of life. Do not criticize or belittle.
- Let your partner has a fluid and natural with your family without you having to be at all times.
- Do not try to boot to another of its emotional roots, remember that what you feel for his family, the other feels for him.
- Maintain a friendly and show yourself to them as it is. Do not act to meet their expectations.
- Do not compare your family with your partner. After all fell in love with an educated person in that family policy.
- Avoid unnecessary arguments, but do not let that offend you. If a dispute arises discuss this with your partner and discuss it with their families.
- If it is very difficult to have a good relationship is best to keep a certain distance rather than complaining all the time.
- In times of irreconcilable differences must support the spouse. First is the welfare of the couple, then the family.
- Set limits on their parents if necessary and not give in to manipulation. Make it clear that you value their opinion but to intervene in family matters is not allowed.
- It is true that all laws are intrusive and controlling. Also, if you are discreet and caring can be a great support to their grandchildren.
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The risk of disaffection
The case: "Anyone who starts a relationship would risk a lack of love," says the psychologist. "Being in love is a beautiful state, productive and rewarding, where you have strengths and are capable of anything, you're motivated and happy. However, when the relationship is not healthy and there is no reciprocity, where not cultivated and left to die or is subjected to treachery and deceit, love comes fracture and indifference, which causes physical, psychological and emotional sufferers.
Description: According to the specialist there is also the wrong love, "is when you fall for the wrong person because you just go with the original taste, consistency and no partners have personal projects or philosophies of life completely different. Love is a rewarding, you bitter and emotional upsets you, makes you confused, diminished cognitive abilities, and always dissatisfied applicant because you love the way the other does not make you happy. The differences in the way of love usually depend on the beliefs they have about love, the experiences of couples lived in the past and modeling of parents and couples, among other factors. ".
Recommendations: To prevent such damage it is recommended, before throwing without measure in the arms of a relationship, assess yourself with respect to personal life plans, expectations, love mode, etc., and explore whether they are compatible with those of another. If it's an already installed and incompatibilities are severe it is likely that professional help is needed to reach agreements and negotiations between partners.
Goodbye to independence
"One cost is the loss of love independence. When you start a project of common life is passed to a state of interdependence, which means not dependent on another but to integrate other in our lives and take into account what are now two, "says the therapist. However, that change from me to we, the couple is still being formed by two people, each with a world and a personal space where you enter your interests, your job, your friends, your family of origin, etc.
is important that each keep a part of that area and at the same time to form a shared world, the relationship, balancing is not always easy. When you spend too much time and energy to the world is neglected personal relationships and when the couple spends too much burden may arise and need for freedom. The solution to avoid conflicts and resentments and limitations is to establish agreements with the other, for which an open and timely communication is essential. --------------------------------------------
web path - Aleida Heinz, a psychologist-sexologist and specialist groups. Tel. 0414-1863265. www.espaciointimoah.blogspot.com Email: Sonia Anzola laparejadehoy@hotmail.com
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