Loneliness is being alone
LA SOLEDAD IS NOT ONLY BE
For an educated man loneliness does not exist or when there is defect or height,
suffering never, never expect anything.
Miguel Oscar Menassa
many times have we heard the phrase: "I have a fear of being alone." No doubt that s e are social beings and need others to constitute ourselves, not only to cover our needs for affection and personal development but also to strengthen our self-esteem. This fear of loneliness part of our child dependency, we are immersed in the fear of being abandoned until it is the presence of another in his absence. People do not only exist when, even when they are not. The big problem is that many people are lonely because they annihilate the other in fantasy. Saying "I'm alone" is like saying no one there and that denial is what makes us sick.
Once the man realizes his finitude, that their existence is aimed at this event, comes the concern of being. It is death that will give true value to life. are limits that allow us to live in a healthy way. When we understand that the relationship must also have their limits love more freely, but not all are able to accept it. All relations of extreme dependency are doomed relationships and aggression. When you understand that the other is a possession I can lock him in order not to lose, there is no love. Love is love to an object, an object made of another, bringing into play the type of ownership, makes individualistic, while the desire but do not want objects that you want desires, makes desiring subject, subjects who know that loneliness does not exist, or living among others or live among ghosts.
This fear is nothing new, but it is true that modern societies, despite technical advances, further isolation and lack of communication. We have educated consumerism without limits, but we have been taught to relate to other people. Nobody told us to engage with others is what creates self-esteem and wellbeing, to choose our commitments is the highest degree of freedom. We are a breeding ground for selfishness and envy. We love another for use in meeting our needs, to avoid being alone, but we have not learned to know the other in its true dimension. When we love and need is when we live in fear of being abandoned. might wonder why so many couples who do not love and yet still live together. It is clear the answer, for fear of loneliness. Not knowing how to cope with solitude itself becomes a problem in living, just living with anyone.
In many cases there is an earlier fear, fear of risk, to give and not receive, we fear being wrong and therefore does not undertake new projects and relationships. But as the poet Miguel Oscar Menassa " in intersubjective relations, the only thing at stake is a little security and a little money, the rest, gain, all human." We must take risks to win. Social relationships are not sought, are in the way of work, hobbies, commitments. When someone asks me how lonely you can always tell friends that friends are indirectly: " Sign up for a course, practice the sport you like, go to the world and that will produce relationships. You have to repeat the act to find people who also have this fondness . " There is no age for social relationships, young or old we all need other people to feel alive, and if something prevents you from being with others, come to them through books, television, telephone, internet.
others also are those who mourn for the corners because they feel alone, will not know not to love? We must learn to love and then love others. The feeling of loneliness is associated with isolation, the notion of not being part of something, the idea of \u200b\u200bnot being included in any project and understand that nobody cares enough to belong to world. Loneliness can be interpreted in two ways: being alone or feeling alone. Being alone is common to all, we are not always accompanied. This experience of loneliness can enjoy and often very constructive. Feeling alone is different, because you can also feel lonely in the company, sometimes we do not feel comfortable with the people around us. The feeling of loneliness, has to do with not having forged a hearing or have lost a listener. Sometimes this feeling happens to a separation or the loss of a loved one who has not experienced such a situation throughout his life. When you are right, no matter to come home and be alone because we are together with all our relationships and commitments. Living alone can be a good way of life, but can not be done if we enjoy a good social relations, if we have a good social health.
culture allows us not ever feel alone. It is only when we listen to ourselves that we enter into the void of loneliness. When we open a book, listen to others, other lives are beating me is impossible to feel alone.
Lying on the couch she ran between words of the toughest moments of his life. She felt terribly alone, all I wanted was dead, to their illusions. The first time I saw was like a ghost, a being without a soul seeking the necessary encouragement to continue living. Alone in a life woven through the years, not only had to talk but who did not have to live.
Loneliness pervaded all areas, from work to home and from home to work and passed his life since he had put an end to the unhealthy relationship held for years. Since the death of her parents, she had poured all his hopes in this relationship. Did not care about friends or spend their free time. He filled their world, no longer needed. Losing was not in their plans. The world fell on him the day he packed his bags and left for good.
colors that filled their lives before they became dark. The last door was closed happiness for her. For him to live with a person he had become unbearable. The dependence was such that he could not breathe, she did not give options, impoverished life until the end of the world were only two of them, all the rest empty. Now she was alone. Bet on one number and lost it all. A stroke had destroyed all humanity. Neither the transfer of the city was getting make him feel that there were others. Was locked itself in its own jail.
From the beginning, it seemed that I did not exist for her. He spoke for itself, did not result in my speeches, I had barely glance. As time went tearing down the high walls he had built and was letting go, a smile, a gesture of complicity. One day he said he had worn that dress to be beautiful to me. He seemed excited about their sessions, tell your everyday life and also began to have some hope for the future. Small flashes of light leaving a glimpse of a world richer than that Small in which she had lived so many years.
One day he came to the consultation unrecognizable, side by side smiling face. He had enrolled in college classes and began in earnest. I wanted to have companions, have schedules, moving from its stagnation. For two months he had taken up a friendship with a childhood companion, were from time to time for coffee, shopping. For years he had broken contact and did not know why. Began to understand that the relationship was no solution for your life. "It is good to love as if the other were the only person in the world, "he said. Hear those words from his mouth and was a big step.
no longer afraid of loneliness, had opened so many doors you did not live alone and being single and only made him feel abandoned. I had friends who loved her, had people who had a strong will and commitment to his psychoanalysis. Had understood that a book just to be with others who are the commitments that make you live, that was committed not to give your life to the first bidder.
Helena Trujillo Luque
Zero Group Psychoanalyst
www.htpsicoanalisis.com
If your relationship fails, you can ask and I will orientate without compromise.
.JPG)
